Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

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A Teacher lecturing on population - "In Nepal after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid".
Harke stands up - "we must find & stop her".
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Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
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Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
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Teacher: Do you know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got heart attack & our driver ran away.

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After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. Harka, your records and your heroic behaviour indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Harka replied. "I hung him up to dry."

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Boy and Girl
Boy: Girls are like 'buses' or 'trains' . If one goes, another will come.
Girl: Boys are like 'autorikshaws' or 'taxies'. If we call one, four will come..
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Power of Ant
Two ants were sitting on the tree after taking a lunch.An elephant runs below the tree because of which one ant fell down on that elephant.Then the other ant said "daba saale ko"

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आत्महत्या सम्बन्धि एउटा भाषणमा एक मन्त्री महोदयले भाषण गरेछन् उक्त भाषणमा मन्त्रीले भनेछन् आत्महत्या गर्नु एउटा जघन्य अपराध हो । यस अपराधबाट हामी सधै टाढा रहनुपर्छ । मेरो बिचारमा जहां सम्म लाग्छ त्यस आत्महत्या गर्ने व्यक्तिलाई मृत्युदण्ड दिनुपर्छं ।
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A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That?s why you always feel smarter after a few beers
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Friend: I just wonder how a chick hatches out of an egg!
Hum Jayega: I too, but I am more surprised as to how the chick entered the egg in the first place!
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A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
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Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

"Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute." hehe
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Whats dumb? Instructions on toilet paper.
Whats dumber than that? reading them.

Whats even dumber? Reading them and learning something.

Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something you've been doing wrong.
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A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
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